It never occurred to me that men could be so silly, well actually come to think of it, it’s generally a fact, but on this particular day, my husband couldn’t have been more baffled than a cow on roller blades, working at a drive through milkshake depot.
I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant, as chunky as a potbellied pig, in labor and awaiting our precious baby to hopefully pop out with systematic easy, a joke on its own right! Keep in mind that we had never had a single prenatal scan to see how many little life suckers I was growing in my paunchy belly. We believed it to be just one.
Well now, to cut thirty -eight weeks of a long story dead short, after 12 hours of intensive pushing, farting, pooping pellets and yelling at the top of my croaky voice, at my husband while he sucked on the happy gas that was meant for his, not so happy wife, baby burst out into the world, was grabbed by the midwife, while I was rushed into theatre for an emergency placenta removal. Just fantastic!
Being an emergency, hubby was only allowed to come and see me and the “baby” when I was out of theatre and neatly compressed into a hospital bed in ward D. At this point I was sitting up gazing at my little doll thinking, “What the hell were you thinking pulling a stunt like that!”, all the while smiling ever so sweetly and in love with the tiny face glaring up at me. Oh, I didn’t mention that the new mommy in the bed adjacent to mine asked me if I could please hold onto her little one while she visited the bathroom as of course mothers do frequently after they have pushed out watermelons and nothing ever works or hold its own ever again!
Now this was a sight to make any woman piddle in her panties, especially a new mommy, as my husband took one look at the sight before him, turned to check the surname over my bed, looked around at the other vacant beds in the ward, then looked back horrified at the two babies in each of my arms, and ran hurriedly for the bathroom! After a good 15 min in there, I buzzed the nurses' station to check up on him, where they found him passed out over the men’s toilet! What a great display of manhood Babe!
After being smacked around a few times by the nurse, kidding, maybe not, she gently placed his head in the basin with cold water, and while patting him down dry, asked him what had happened, to which he dazedly replied, “I think my wife adopted another baby while I was in the waiting area drinking coffee!”
It was at that moment, after calmly, but with much hilarity and snorting trying to explain the site that he had beheld, that I realized, perhaps having any more kids would possibly be out of the question!