As I sit here in this deep, dark addictive state thinking about how my life is filled with so many years of depressive thoughts and lots of despair ... but yet I still do not care.
I’m a human with emotions.. some positive and some negative ones... some of them on display while others are on some ice, yet every time I try I just cannot be nice.
I met and fell in love; only to discover that my lover was indeed the devil undercover who introduced me to drugs... and shortly thereafter I started hanging out with wanna-be-thugs that were always, strung out on drugs.
The life I was living alongside the things I was doing was leading me to, a journey straight to hell ... while on the streets I was strung out not eating or sleeping as well as feeling like my life has no meaning and was just then that I realized, I don’t want to live like this anymore... so I went to the hospital and walked through the door, and as I fell to the floor I started repeating over...and...over again, no more...no more.
As I sit here in this dreadful place, I start thinking about committing suicide, while eating what could possibly be my last meal... I came to the conclusion that I’m completely broken and want to heal.
While I walked through my hellish journey, there were many times I stumbled and fell, as I lay there I’m starting to sink further and further into despair and that’s when it hit me that I am addicted, and that thought left me feeling confused...and...conflicted.
I finally made the call, but getting clean and sober is definitely a battle for all…..with so many hurdles and jumps I faced…. I often chose to stay in the same place, but then I gradually started the road to my recovery at a slow and steady pace.
The choices I made, allowed me to love myself and my life ... and I was able to turn my addiction into a positive remission while learning that living life is far….. more valuable than addiction.