Okay, so a few months ago my family and I adopted these two beautiful border collie puppies. Their names are panda and Franklin and I love them so very much. They are the reason I get up early to walk them, they are the reason I stay up late at night to play with them, and I know suspect they are very much the reason I will no need therapy. Be warned if you are squeamish, then this is not the story for you.
The next part of information you need to know as background for this story is that my parents sometimes travel on weekends or the odd week or two while I’m at home and on the night of ‘the incident’ they were away on one of their trips (I can’t quite recall as to where).
It was only a few weeks after adopting the puppies and they weren’t house trained yet so we had put paper down for them to do their, you know…business. Well, I get back home from work at around 9:30 pm after a long shift dealing with very difficult customers who, quite frankly, make me consider running away and living in some cave in Siberia just so I don’t have to share a country as them (I’m sure you have worked in hospitality before so you know what I mean), and I had to clean up after the puppies. So anyway, I was cleaning up after them and guess what? Both dogs get the worst fucking diarrhea at the same time. SO, I go to clean it up and it's bad I'm talking about the kind of smell that makes you think that you’ll never smell anything good again and that the world has gone to shit. I mean I’m gagging and my eyes are watering it’s that bad and of course we ran out of gloves before mum left so she told me to just use the paper and that it will be fine. I do that and then the paper gets a hole in it. Not only does the puppy shit get on my hand but it is so slimy that it slips right out of the paper like it’s a fucking slip and slide. I swear this shit defied the laws of gravity and I just saw it falling in slow motion, too shaken to move, until it fell right onto my foot. Now it took about one second before my gagging turning into full-fledged heaving. So, naturally, I threw up on myself because of how bad this shit was. And right when I thought it couldn't get any worse. I got a nosebleed that I get due to my migraines (because I had had a headache for like 3 days). So, there I was I'm standing on the urine-soaked floor, covered in a demonic concoction of diarrhoea puppy shit, my half-digested dinner and blood, almost in tears from the smell at this stage, wondering how on Earth my life got to this point accompanied by a dead-inside look in my eyes that can only be accomplished but a horrifying trauma. One I suspect I will now need some sever counselling for.