Famous Garrison Keillor Quotations

First 1 Last 
"A book is a gift you can open again and again."
by Garrison Keillor
"Age does not always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone"
by Garrison Keillor
"God writes a lot of comedy the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny."
by Garrison Keillor
"I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it."
by Garrison Keillor
"It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars."
by Garrison Keillor
"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known."
by Garrison Keillor
"The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose."
by Garrison Keillor
"To choose Norm Coleman over Walter Mondale is like going to a great steakhouse and ordering the tuna sandwich."
by Garrison Keillor
"Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted."
by Garrison Keillor
"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."
by Garrison Keillor
"The funniest line in English is Get it? When you say that, everyone chortles."
by Garrison Keillor
"Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists in the room will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke."
by Garrison Keillor
"People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, 'Where are you from?' doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know?"
by Garrison Keillor
"Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in the saddle and look upon their troops with a noble and benevolent and extremely nearsighted gaze."
by Garrison Keillor
"Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laborato..."
by Garrison Keillor


Hire a Writer