Famous Robert Benchley Quotations

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"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him."
by Robert Benchley
"There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't."
by Robert Benchley
"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment."
by Robert Benchley
"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down."
by Robert Benchley
"A boy can learn a lot from a dog obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down."
by Robert Benchley
"A boy can learn a lot from a dog obedence, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down."
by Robert Charles Benchley
"A great many people have come up to me and asked me how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated. My answer is 'Don't you wish you knew'"
by Robert Charles Benchley
"An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens."
by Robert Benchley
"As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did."
by Robert Benchley
"Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people."
by Robert Benchley
"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."
by Robert Benchley
"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony."
by Robert Benchley
"For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting."
by Robert Benchley
"I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle."
by Robert Benchley
"I do most of my work sitting down that's where I shine."
by Robert Charles Benchley
"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
by Robert Benchley
"Streets full of water; please advise."
by Robert Benchley
"Tell us your phobias, and we will tell you what you are afraid of."
by Robert Benchley
"The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled."
by Robert Charles Benchley
"The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success."
by Robert Benchley
"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I coudn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
by Robert Benchley
"It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous."
by Robert Benchley
"We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. We are constantly remarking on the fact that things are done well by people other than ourselves. The Japanese are a remarkable little people, we say, as if we were doing them a favor. He is an Arab, but you ought to hear him play the zither. Why but?"
by Robert Benchley
"The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps."
by Robert Benchley
"The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life which does not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest."
by Robert Benchley
"Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another."
by Robert Benchley
"I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini."
by Robert Benchley
"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with it's just compounding the felony."
by Robert Benchley
"Go jogging? What, and get hit by a meteor?"
by Robert Benchley
"He Robert Benchley and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery."
by Dorothy Parker
"England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example."
by Robert Benchley
"One of the chief duties of the fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him. This department of the game has been allowed to run down fearfully."
by Robert Benchley
"Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around o..."
by Robert Benchley
"And so it goes, back and forth, good church-members all, which means that their banter contains nothing off-color, and by the same token, noth..."
by Robert Benchley
"Consider the number of young people all over the world who are getting married, day in and day out, for no other reason than that someone of t..."
by Robert Benchley
"Nine-tenths of the value of a sense of humor in writing is not in the things it makes one write but in the things it keeps one from writing. I..."
by Robert Benchley
"There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them."
by Robert Benchley
"There is probably not more than one hundred dollars in cash in circulation today. That is, if you were to call in all the bills and silver and..."
by Robert Benchley


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