So I'm sitting by myself right before my dressing mirror with a pair of scissors in my right hand and a piece of clothing in my left. My eyes are red and puffy and my nose is twice it's size from all the blowing I've been doing and my face is just pathetic and...generally, I look like a corpse that has just come back to life, I even feel like one. I can't contain the tears anymore; every time I look into the mirror I see a lonely unwanted being that has been used and over used then thrown back into the garbage.
"Come on baby, they say you are an easy prey; give me what you've been giving the whole town"
Yap, that's what my date tonight said right to my face. But I don't blame him, he's one of my many dates. I thought he was different... actually this date was different because this is the first one I'll spend the night in my bed, alone, without some stranger snoring on top of me and I staring at the ceiling hating myself over and over again.
I looking into the mirror and see her, sad, dirty, despicable, unseen; all her friends are married with kids but look at her, she's chasing after men who only want one thing; an outlet.
"Am I that difficult? What? All I want is a man who will love me unconditionally. I know I have too many expectations but isn't there even one, just one man in the entire world who can measure up to at least 60% of them?"
The girl in the mirror doesn't answer...
"I've always wanted a tall, built guy who can carry me because I weigh more than a she-goat, I don't care what colour he is. A man with a beard and knows how to dress with pouty lips and a sexy smile with maybe brown eyes...not too hairy but hairy with a deep voice and knows how to preach sweet nothings"
Then I start laughing, I laugh so hard as painful tears stream down my cheeks because I sound so stupid. I don't care about the body physic, I care about the heart, the personality, the inside beauty. I just want a man who will look at me like I'm his dream come true. An understanding, patient man because I can be difficult at times. He doesn't have to be perfect as long as he's faithful and every time other women cross his path and try to catch his eyes, he'll always remember that the woman he's been praying for is seated at home waiting for him.
Who cares about his voice? As long as he's my voice of reason because when it comes to making decisions, I'm like a lost child who needs someone to help her see logic.
I've always had a thing for muscular men but honestly, I just want a man who can hold me when my life is cold and assure me that no matter what, I have a chest where I can lay my head and cry my heart out.
Is it too much to ask for a father figure? A man who has a passion for kids because I want five of them and if he wants more, then we can talk about it. I'll get to choose the baby names... I've already chosen them, the only missing part is the surname. Crazy, right? I don't know how crazy looks like but he can make me feel it; maybe drive me there but still be the responsible guy I look up to when lost.
Most importantly, I want a God fearing man because that...that sums it all up. A man who fears God will always ask himself if what he's doing pleases God, if how he treats me is right in God's eyes. We don't have to go to church every Sunday and attend all church meetings and Bible Studies and quote the Bible and ban secular music from our home because we are overly religious...I just want a prayer partner who will remind me that we made our vows before God and our union is founded on him.
Bottom line, I want a man who will treat me like I would treat me, just that.